Sad Truth

So today, I was out at the city with my really good friend Jaymond. I've been out with him a lot this past week but we both needed the days to just chill. Tonight, it was Korean Pop Festival. To be honest, I thought it'd be just people dancing to Kpop and they will be selling Kpop souvenirs. I thought I could buy my friends something but turns out it was just a kpop contest lol. So it wasn't as fun. I met Jaymond's uni friends and they all were very nice and fun. It was very easy to get along with them. It was honestly a fun night. Probably the one of the best nights I had so far. So I had every reason to be going to bed happy, tired and positive. Instead, when I got home, I felt shitty. I guess coming home from a very good day, it just reminded me of my issues and problems. Being out of the house and surrounded by friends, it distracted me from what was really happening. I didn't have to worry about anything when I was out. Only the struggles of keeping myself warm but that's about it. Until I got home, my mind just reminded me of what was really happening. Then I just had this rush of pain, shitty, empty feeling and now I'm lying in bed, listening to a very depressing song and letting out heavy sighs every now and then.

Every night, I feel like I want to cry but I can never cry. Like a few tears here and there but the urge to cry is still there. I've been feeling like this for the past few weeks now and I'm just so tired of it to be honest. I just want to be happy for once. Wake up happy and go to bed happy. With no problems to think about or anything. But every time I try to stay positive, it's like life is saying "yeah nope. Let me punch you in the face with reality" and fuck, I get k.o'ed every time. No matter how many good times I go through during the day. Weather it be with the family or friends,  at the end of the day, I get this depressing feeling cause everything I was supposed to think of during the day comes flooding through my mind when I have the chance to be alone and that's when I'm in bed starring at the pitch black ceiling.  Someone, please just take all this pain away ...