Melbourne Update

Yesterday I landed in Melbourne at 12:20 in the afternoon. I was pretty nervous to be honest. My 2 bestfriends Josh and Jennifer went with me to the airport and waited until I took off. I was feeling shit the whole way because I didn't want to leave. Honestly, walking through that gate and onto the plane, it was heart breaking. I was looking back every now and then to wave goodbye to Josh and Jennifer, The lump in my throat was building up but I tried really hard to hold back the tears. As soon as I walked through the plane, one last look at them and I went through, Found my seat and just took my book out to keep me distracted. Tears were flowing like crazy but I had to hold it in. I read my book the whole through and tried to sleep but it was way too cold to do that. Once I landed, it was so hot. I made my way through easily. Melbourne airport is very VERY simple. My sister, my brother in law (sallys boyfriend) and my dad were waiting for me. Once we got my suitcases, we went to go visit mum at her workplace. It was a very far drive and my sister and I just started talking about Melbourne. She filled me in with the family. We ate at the coffee club after visiting mum and hell was that expensive ! Then we went home to drop off my suitcases and headed over to my aunts, I met the family and they all spoke english so thank god for that because I'm not very good at speaking my language. We chilled and I was dead tired. We went home around 4:30 and then I just got dressed and got comfortable with my bed. I went to take a nap and woke up around 10:30. Only because Josh called me and woke me up. As soon as I heard his voice, the lump in my throat was back. I couldn't hold it back so I let it go. Tears flowed out of my eyes like crazy. I was very homesick. I really wanted to just go back to Brisbane. He tried to comfort me and told me to stay strong. It was really hard for me to be honest. I came very close to just giving up and book a ticket back home, Eventually, Josh talked me out of it and I stayed calm. I took a nice hot shower to calm myself and then we skyped the whole night. I miss him.

Today, it was a very productive day. I woke up and decided to unpack. Clean, do my laundry and everyone else's laundry. My grandma came to visit and she was very emotional. My room is huge. So is my bed. It feels weird to have such a huge bed to myself. I always had a single but I have a double to myself. I washed the dishes and cleaned basically the whole house. It kept me distracted to be honest. I'm starting to get used to where I am. I like the way that I'm home with the family. I got sick as soon as I landed because of the temperature change but I'm feeling better now. Except for the runny nose and the continuous sneezing. I'm going clubbing next Saturday after Tinashe's concert which is pretty awesome. I've longed for this family feels but I only wished that it was in Brisbane where my friends could just come over to chill. My house is huge. Very spacious. It would have been perfect for a party haha. I'm excited for Josh to come next month. He misses me so much he can't wait to see me in May so he decided to come here in March for about a week. Where I live reminds me of where I used to live in Joshs house. The stars aren't as bright over here. And the weather is so weird. One minute it's hot then it's cold. I need to get used to this haha. My sickness will be on and off LOL. If I have time tomorrow, I'll take photos of the house, inside and out just to give you guys the idea of where I live. Until tomorrow.

Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the day. The day that I finally leave Brisbane. Just listening to this song makes me break down into tears. I made so many memories here, so many friends and closer friends who I can call family. I lost many but I gained more. It breaks my heart to say goodbye to everyone. To let everyone go and to only be attached to the memories that I made. Honestly there is way too many memories to remember all at once. It hurts so much to think about all the people I'm going to leave behind. Of course I will miss everyone I knew. Even the ones that drifted away. Everyone wished me a safe flight and a happy life in Melbourne. It's heartbreaking to think from 47 days to only 1 more day. I remember there were times when I was down, I couldn't wait to realize that there was only one more day but spending my birthday with my friends, I realize that I'm leaving forever. It isn't a holiday. I'm actually moving and starting a new life in a completely different state. Who knows when I'll be back to be honest. I only wish the best for my friends who I graduated with ...  I'll miss them forever and not a day that I won't :') 

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me. Today is my birthday. Happy Birthday to me !

Today I turn the big one-eight. I'm so excited.  Of course I'm having a party and I'm as keen as ever. The fact that I'm finally legal to buy whatever I want and whenever I want. I'm excited to spend my last birthday in Brisbane before I head off to a new life, in a new state. All though I have been in a complete mess for the last few days, I can't think of anything better than to be celebrating one of the biggest age in my life with the people who I shared most of my life with. It's been tough and really rough here in Brisbane but I feel like this last party, I will be refreshed and ready to move on. It's sad, of course to leave behind my childhood and so much history of my life was recorded here but everyone needs to start somewhere if they want to achieve their dreams. I can't wait to be reunited with all my friends again and leave Brisbane with good memories. I only hope that nothing happens that'll ruin my day. I know I'll get really emotional when I'm drunk, only because I'm leaving. If anything, I won't regret bursting into tears for my friends because I love them like they were my family. It just shows how much I love them and how much I will miss everyone. So, today is my day. I'm excited and very anxious because I'm an adult now. After this night, I'll be a grown adult. I'll achieve my goals and try to be motivated for as long as I can. With the support and help from my family, I should be able to stick to my goals. It'll get tough, I know but mistakes happen and lessons are in need to be learnt. My hearts beating so fast, I'm so excited! It's about time that I have the spotlight for once. And I don't mind that it's on my birthday. I thank God for giving me this precious life when I was planned to be aborted. I only ask for forgiveness when I was in doubt and thought about ending my life so many times. I thank my parents for raising me, especially my mum who had to put up with my selfishness all these years. I want to make her proud now and I will. I thank all my friends for guiding me to the right path everytime I was lead astray. Whether our connections may be lost or is not as strong as it used to be but I am grateful for the memories and lessons I was taught. I thank everyone for making me the person I am today. I am going to enjoy this day to the fullest ! :)

A Complete Mess

Lately, I've been in such a mess. I guess it's because of being alone. I've always been alone to be honest. I've been single for about 4 months now? And it's something I'm not used to. I'm so used to having a relationship right after another, so I don't know how to cope. I got lead on and fucked over by 3 guys in the last month or so. And let me tell you, it fucking hurts. I'm in the process of getting over the recent one. It's harder than the last two because I live with this one. He was my best friend. At first we were very back and forth with our feelings. I would develop feelings for him at the wrong time, then he would do the same. So our timing would be very off. Until very recently, we confirmed our feelings and we decided that we'll take it slow. It was going very well. I liked having the feeling of having someone again. We were concerned about what would happen next if I was to move to Melbourne. I know I could commit. It was going to be easy for me because I plan to come back around May for a visit. He could easily come down to Melbourne as well. The only problem was that he wasn't sure he could commit because he never had a long distance relationship before. And the fact that he gets around a lot. I knew how he was but I trusted him because he went to 2 parties without me and came home to me because he didn't want to leave me alone and rather come home and sleep with me. So I was pretty convinced. Until very recently we went to a party together. He invited his bestfriend to come along. I knew how they were. I knew he wanted to get with her before he meant me so we made a promise that night that we wouldn't do anything. I kept my promise. Guys were flirting with me and when they lead to something, I would immediately tell them that I'm seeing this guy. They were happy for me. I even told him that this and that person was leading into something and I told them I had him. It made him pretty happy. When we were together for most of the night, people were asking if I was his girl and he said that I was. I was pretty happy that he said that so I trusted him. I wasn't with him for most of the night. Eventually when the party died, and I had this feeling. He came back from a long time outside with his bestfriend and eventually he told me he hooked up with her for about 2 seconds when they both stopped, realizing that there was me on the side. I kind of knew it was going to happen. I only regret not walking out with him to say good bye to her. I was pretty disappointed and upset so I left. I called up a friend at 4 in the morning and we cruised til 6 am. I've been crying for the last 2 days now and I really wish I could stop. I'm trying to fix myself after getting betrayed, again.

Times like this, I do what I do best and that's to party hard and drink it all away. Which I can't wait to do because it makes me forget easier. Once I'm in that mood, I literally don't give a fuck anymore and it's not even the sad thing. I can't wait to stop feeling the pain and realize that "hey, I'm moving to Melbourne anyways, what am I doing moping around? Make the most of it" So the last few days, I've been a mess and quite frankly, I'm over it. Just going to have fun, party hard and move to Melbourne and start anew like I should be.