Today is Christmas. Nothing special will be going on because like all other years, my family don't do presents. All we get is money; which is good enough. On Christmas Eve, I spent the day with my step dad. It's been way too long that I haven't seen him. Yesterday we just went to watch movies and had a little chat about our lives and family. Honestly, my family has been torn. Not the whole family, but the ones in my house. It's just my mum, Sally and myself. Sometimes Ken, my little brother. Even though there's only 3 of us in this small house, it's like a battlefield every day. It used to be my Mum and Sally against me. Then it slowly became the 3 of us against each other. Now, it's the 2 sister against my Mum. I hate the way things are here. My Mum has acted so strange lately that now, she acts as if we're not her daughters. Just 2 girls needing a place to stay and some food to eat. For the last few weeks, there hasn't been any sign of food. Just little snacks. There are noodles, a whole box of them, but I can't eat them. I get sick of it with just one bite but I force myself to eat them all, just to fill my stomach. But then I get this uneasy feeling in my stomach and I feel sick for a few hours. My sister and I have been bonding a lot. She's open up to me and she'd dnm with me every now and then. I feel as if we're like twins now because we're always together.
This year, I know for sure that the family won't be doing anything for Christmas. It makes me feel so sad and it breaks my heart because if we still had our step dad. and if we still have had our house back in Springfield, this would be the first Christmas for me. I know that my step dad would've liked doing it the proper Christmas way. With the tree, and buying each other presents and then when Christmas morning comes, all the kids would unwrap their presents and so will the adults. My family now is broken. The house has started to become dusty, dishes are unwashed, no food at home but I know for a fact that we're all in our own world's. The house has most likely became empty most days.
I just wish that maybe next year or in the future, I would never let my children or family to suffer like this. I want my kids to wake up every year on this special day with a Christmas spirit, no matter how old they are. And even if I was a single mother, I would still let my kids grow up and celebrate Christmas the proper way. I don't want them to suffer the gloomy, dull life like mine. I know for sure that I will never become someone like my Mum.
On the bright side, this will be my first Christmas with a boyfriend :D And Henry is my first <3 Though, it won't be as special but good enough right? I'll be prepared for next year though. I'll save up enough to take all my friends out for a feast :3
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE and let's not forget, Happy Birthday Jesus <3
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