Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Dreams Become Nightmares

Last night and the night before, I've been having nightmares. It's not the nightmares where ghost or demons but where Henry is cheating on me, again. The first one was he was cheating with one of a Korean actor that was in my drama. LOL, I know that won't come true but last night, was with a girl I know. It was a heart breaking dream. I only remember the parts where, Henry told me to go into the room with him, but I don't know who's house it is. Everything was white. The blanket on the clean white bed was a baby blue. Then turns out that girl I know was there too. She was on the phone and was asking someone to take her home. Henry laid down on the bed and I was next to him. All of a sudden, that girl I know was laying on the other side next to him as well. They were talking and then she started flirting and he was flirting back. He put his arms around her and she was laying his chest. I was trying to get his attention but he wouldn't turn around to me. Then they started play fighting and she was sitting on him and then he was laying on her lap. I ran outside crying, hoping he would come after me but as I ran out the door, I heard her ask

"Who was that?"
and he just replied like, 
"Oh, it's probably Anne chucking a sook, Who cares?"

I ran back in and laid back down. When I couldn't take it anymore, I got up and I grabbed his shoulder to turn him around and slapped him. He asked,
"What was that for?"
but it wasn't an angry tone of voice. I then said,
"What kind of boyfriend are you? Are you forgetting that I'm here too? You invited me into this room and here you're letting another girl lay on your chest, sit on you and flirting with you."
I remember saying that with tears just constantly running down my face. I woke up and I realized that I was crying. All of a sudden, a thought came into my head out of the blue. 
"What if they have been snapchatting dirty things or have been snapchatting a lot? What kind of snaps do they take?"
I got so paranoid and I just broke down at 2:00 a.m. I was so scared and the pain was just heart breaking. Let alone the negative thoughts running through my head. I eventually cried myself back to sleep. I woke up and brushed my teeth. When I was brushing my teeth, I thought of the dream, and I was convincing myself

"It's not true. How could it be true?"
but then, the very first time I had dreams of Henry cheating. It was constant and then it turned out coming true. I don't know what to do. Is this another sign? Should I leave before it happens? I'm scared that when I tell him about this dream, he would finally confess that it's true... I'm so scared right now. I'm worrying and I really just want to find out the truth. Knowing Henry, he lies to me a lot ... so I don't know if I could believe anything he says to me ... It hurts not being able to trust him but now, not even believe him. He said that I should trust and believe him but he's clearly showed me that I can't trust now I can't believe. Worst feeling... 

What's even worse is that he left me walking in the cold last night. I asked if he could pick me up and it was a straight up No, when I told him my day and why I wanted to be picked up. In the end, he put himself first and I ended up walking to the bus stop which was 20-30 minutes away from the house I came from, and it was freezing. But he did pick my sister, my sister's friend and myself up when we were at Oxley McDonald's when I told him where my mum thought that he was with us the whole day and that he was going to take us home but when my sister told my mum that he wasn't, my mum raged that if we didn't have a way home, we should've came home earlier and said that she wasn't going to pick us up. He somewhat sounded guilty and yeah. Although I was still upset about out argument, I just sucked it up and let it slide. I acted as if nothing ever happened. It killed me bit by bit inside. He then said,
"I hate it when we fight."
I did feel a bit better when he said that, but with the subject of the argument, I was still heart broken. Aiden had told me that when he was dating Sally, my sister, he saw how strong I was when it came to arguments with my ex boyfriend. And he said that now when he looks at me, he sees a broken girl and that I've become weak and sensitive. He told me to leave immediately for my own good, but I don't want to leave Henry... I love him.  



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