So Much Tears Were Shed

Last night, I cried so much and my heart ached so bad that I could feel how much it was stopping me from breathing Henry and I had an argument. I was feeling depressed and was at the urge of breaking down in the middle of my way home. I told him that I needed comfort but he said he had something important to do. In my last blog, I said that when I'm at this point, I say stupid things and the negativity just takes over me.

Eventually, we had this massive argument and when got home, I just laid in bed, cried and cried and eventually fell asleep. I woke up and only to find Lan text me if I was okay. But I was no mood to be telling. I just wanted to shut every one who were Henry's friends. I just wanted to shut everyone out. I wanted to be alone. Of course I was to crawl back and then we had broken into another argument. All I said was the complete truth of how I felt and what was going inside my mind. I had forgotten what would've happened when I opened up to him. He raged at me, and just left the conversation on a bad note. He said hurtful things to me before he left and all I could was defend myself and tell him what he always does. I then tell Lan and for once he disagreed with me. This I wasn't mad about but the fact that he wasn't alive when I had that break down so he didn't know how close I was to having that same break down earlier on my way home. He also said hurtful things and I was at this point where I thought "You know what? Why do I bother with these people?" So I told him that the next time I was hurt again, it was going to be over. He lectured me why and how I was over reacting but I know I wasn't. Boys. They can just never understand you. I was a fool to even think they could.

So after Lan's hurtful words, I broke down. I absolutely just cried and cried. People were talking to me on Twitter and Facebook but I replied with the fact that I was fine. As if nothing was going on. That made me cry even more. The fact that I now know how painful it is to pretend nothing is going on. Eventually I messaged him and said Goodnight etc. The usual routine. I later found his necklace he gave me which was hidden in my bear's hood. I was watching a movie and the way this couple was so happy, it made me happy with Henry. I fell asleep and only to wake up with hurtful replies from Henry. He said I was simply annoying. I just ignored it and simply replied with my usual Goodmorning routine. But then he just told me to shut up ... and I said I understand...

This has to be the most painful moment of my life. I just got home home from school and from time to time, people would mention Henry and I act like we're going well and that everything was normal. I could feel my heart being stabbed whenever I act as if what he said this morning wasn't a problem to me...
Truth is, that it killed me inside. Bit by bit today. And it still is...