Lonely

Sigh, why is it every time when Henry gets invited out, it's always a "boys night out" ? I want to get invited too. I want to chill together with the guys too and catch up but it always has to be when they're drinking at a bar and I won't be able to go in.

Yesterday, Henry's brother said it's time I went home because he reckons it's because of me that Henry isn't helping out around the house. Isn't true because Henry's just lazy. If I go home tonight, it'd just be me, at home alone. My sister would be out or working. My mum might be out as well. It'll just be me. Alone again. Why is that when I want to go out on a date, Henry doesn't feel like it? But when it's a boy's night out, he's up for it. When Henry told Lan that I wanted to tag along, why couldn't they suggest to go somewhere suitable for me? Does it have to be a bar? Why can't it be a small place to eat where you could also drink? All I want is to be around friends, catch up and chill too... But because I'm 16, I can't go anywhere...

I don't want to go home. What's there to do at home? Nothing. It's going to be hard for me to sleep again because Henry isn't there.To be honest, I'm fighting back the tears because Henry will be home from working with his dad soon. I just want to be out there...It's another day I'll be spending alone. As I said before on my 5th month blog, I hate being alone. One thing I fear most is being alone. It feels as if though I have so many people around me, so many of those people are family and friends, but yet, I still feel empty.

I know for a fact that if I asked Henry to sleep over my place tonight, he wouldn't. Ever since we met, he's only slept over a total of 4 times. But those 4 times, he only slept over because it would stop me from asking him. So it's not like he wanted to. Now his brother set out a rule for us. We can't sleepover. We can see each other and then leave at around 10-12. All I wanted was Henry to sleep over. But he uses the excuse that "there's something about your house" excuse. I know he doesn't want to sleep over. I know he wants to go home and play GTA V or WOW or even now, Battlefield 4. Oh yeah, he bought BF4 for me because he said I looked like I was bored every time he played WOW. He already finished the story mode and now he's playing online. I didn't get the chance to learn how to play... Guess it was just an excuse to buy it.

I can tell that it's going to be difficult in the future because Henry doesn't wake up til 5 in the afternoon, so he won't be able to come over since he'll be lazy. If I come over, he won't open the door since he'll be sleeping and what's the point of me coming over when all I'll do is wait til 5 in the after noon for him to wake up? Sigh, complete waste of time right? Guess it's another night I'll be crying and then pretending it never happened. Trying to smile and make it seem alright /': It heart breaking when I think about it...
Never getting to wake up with Henry right next to me, never getting feel his cuddles, never getting to sleep over again and I know in the future, he'll be going out a lot with his boys /': I know that there will never be day that he'll show up at my house without me expecting it. It's just always going to be that will be coming over daily.

Sigh, it's just going to end up like my ex. How I would catch 3 buses to go to forest lake and visit him after school, all the way from Springfield. And every Saturday was the same thing all over again where I would wake up early, catch the bus to his house and he'd sleep and sleep then play LoL and then sleep again, and I'd go home at 10. I don't want it to be like that. The same thing all over again.... I just hope that I can tag along tonight. Doubt it though /: I don't know why I bother hoping...